In a poignant and personal essay published by Cosmopolitan, Survivor 47 contestant Teeny Chirichillo has come out as a trans man and opened up about his gender identity journey and his feelings on initially being labeled as Survivor's first nonbinary contestant.
Teeny Chirichillo was initially labeled Survivor's first nonbinary contestant
Although Teeny Chirichillo was initially named the first nonbinary contestant on Survivor when he appeared on Survivor 47, he says in his Cosmopolitan essay that he felt a lot of "uncertainty" about being given that label.
In the personal essay, he reveals that he wanted to be "palatable" to the viewers and his fellow Survivor contestants, leading to him accepting being referred to as "they" instead of starting a more complicated conversation about gender with the others on the island.
"Brushing off the pronoun question with a 'whatever you want' makes the moment pass quicker. Increasingly, people decide to use 'they,' as my presentation fits that of a Gen Z nonbinary person in an almost comically on-the-nose way," Teeny Chirichillo says in the Cosmopolitan essay and says that his appearance puts him into a box with other young people on social media. "My haircut, my curated vintage fashion, my flat chest. You scroll past a different version of me on #masc #butch #tboy TikTok every day"
He says that going by "whatever" pronouns the person he's speaking to felt comfortable with on Survivor and being labeled as nonbinary was the easiest way for him to come across as easy-going and not unload his complicated relationship with his gender identity during a conversation that he says he realized at some point was just to make sure that the person said the right thing and didn't "offend" him.
But, he says in the essay that it was leaving Survivor season 47 that made him put more thought into his identity and lead to his revelation that he is a trans man rather than being nonbinary as he had previously identified.
"I had been a closeted trans guy": Teeny Chirichillo says this had always been building
According to Teeny Chirichillo's Cosmopolitan essay, it was leaving Survivor 47 that lead to him thinking more about his gender identity. He revealed that while the other castaways had families, spouses, and things to focus on when they got back home, he was by himself and he found himself thinking about how he identifies.
He goes on in the essay to talk about the fact that he thought about a variety of things throughout his life that have all added up to where he is now: coming out as a trans man. From watching trans YouTuber Miles McKenna videos to styling his clothes to look more masculine and feeling affirmed in his gender identity when he's with his girlfriend, he lists a variety of things from different stages in his life that have all hinted at his inner feelings of being a trans man that he had overlooked.
"My noncommitment to a label like nonbinary and my lack of attachment to the policing of my own pronouns is because until right now, I had been a closeted trans guy," Teeny Chirichillo reflected on his passive attitude toward being referred to as nonbinary prior to coming out as a trans man.
Despite the fact that he has newfound relief in putting words to his gender identity, Teeny Chirichillo says in his essay that he's still feeling concerned about a variety of things to come in his future, like what access to HRT will look like in the forseeable future with trans healthcare being such a hot button topic politically, his girlfriend's adjustment to now referring to him as her boyfriend, and little changes in his social life that come with this change to his identity.
Despite the ups and downs of this new chapter of his life, Teeny Chirichillo says that he feels hopeful for his future and has realized that he doesn't need to accept "whatever" pronouns people want to use in order to placate them and come across as easier to deal with.
"What I really want is to give the Teeny who wore all Tony Hawk line boy clothes to elementary school a fist bump and tell him that we’re back," ends his touching essay about how Survivor lead Teeny Chirichillo to coming to terms with his own gender identity and everything that it means for his future.